My two least favourite words are.....(part 2)

.....willpower and discipline (but you already knew that).

A couple of years ago, I finally stopped smoking. I'd been smoking for a number of years and done the willpower thing (didn't work), I tried the chewing gum and patches (didn't work), I had 1 - 1 sessions with a smoking cessation counselor (didn't work), I had hypnosis with a very creepy hypnotist (didn't work and cost me a lot of money to boot!).

When I stopped smoking, it was very simple; I just released the need to smoke.

Being energetically ready

And I was ready, energetically ready to stop and using willpower and all of the other stuff was a smokescreen (pun intended) for me not being ready and not acknowledging the downside of stopping (oh yes, there are some!).

I didn't stop on my own, though. I had support. In the UK there are free stop smoking groups run by trained counselors, which I intended. But ultimately, I released the craving and urge to smoke. I wish I could say that I did it by using EFT, knowing what I know now, I would use it, but I used the Release Technique.

I had fairly mild cold turkey in terms of craving - in fact I was surprised by how relatively mild they were. But there was emotional upheaval. Any drug, any addiction is often a mask, camouflage for suppression of emotion and I let rip with all of these suppressed emotions: from anger to elation to joy and everything in between. I really did appreciate the support of the counselors then.

Letting go of my addiction

But my point is that in the end it wasn't willpower that stopped me, but rather just letting go of the need to smoke. This sounds quite easy and it was. But more importantly, it felt safe to stop smoking. Whatever my smoking was designed to help me with, I realised that I no longer needed it anymore; I'd outgrown it.

I use the smoking example re: willpower, because everytime I hear someone talk about smoking or any other addiction, willpower is usually mentioned and everytime I end up screaming at the TV or radio or shaking my head vigorously at reading the newspaper.

Willpower is just a stick to beat people with for not "succeeding" and it's lazy thinking. Using willpower is actually helping you turn more towards the behaviour/actions that you want to cease. Just like the English national football team, you run into an invisible energetic wall of your own resistance. You are working against yourself.

Using willpower is very draining and is unsustainable in the long run, which is why people very easily relapse into previous behaviours ie falling off the wagon.

Ask yourself if anything that you've achieved and that you're proud of had willpower as component?

My two least favourite words are......(part 1)

...........those which we place a high value on. How many times have I heard someone justify their success, wealth and standing in the world by saying: "I've worked really hard to achieve this, trouble with some people is that they don't have the discipline to achieve what they want".

And comments like these are often used to wield a big stick with which to beat those seemingly less "successful" as "lazy" and "unmotivated" (ever ask why they're unmotivated and what would help to motivate and more importantly inspire them?)

No such thing as laziness

I personally don't believe that there is such a thing called laziness. Only aspects of our lives that we are not inspired by because they don't resonate with us. It was probably somebody else's idea of how to live. And who wouldn't be lazy and uncommitted following someone else's diktat?

It is the summer holiday and parents all over the UK (and elsewhere) are struggling with how to amuse and entertain their children over this period.

A lady at the gym I go to says that during the holidays her daughter bounces out of bed. But during the school year its; "can I just have five more minutes Mum?". I hardly think that this is unusual somehow!

What's the difference? She is motivated to get up because it's something that she wants to do, rather than something she has to do.

Incidentally, what the "traditionally" successful people never mention is that they love what they do. It would have been pretty well impossible to succeed in the way they have, without doing so. Anyone can work hard and people do but working hard without being fully aligned with what you want to achieve is a complete waste of energy. Unfortunately, many people believe that working hard on its own will generate the kind of success and fulfilment that they desire.

No it doesn't.

Some of the hardest working people in any society are often the poorest.

It's about learning how to use and harness the energy of the Universe aligning it with your desires and interests, to allow abundance into your life.

So what are my two least favourite words?

Willpower and discipline.

To be continued..........................

Top 10 tips for highly sensitive people

As a highly sensitive person (HSP) or intuitive empath, I have been through many emotional rollercoasters not knowing why my energy levels sometimes soared or were completely depleted. Unfortunately, it wasn't until fairly recently that I discovered that I was an HSP; before I just thought that I was weird. No one else around me could explain to me what was going on, especially not doctors when I presented with descriptions of fatigue that they couldn't verify.

I'll write a future posting on listening to your body. This is vitally important, especially for HSPs and often difficult in societies where people are dead from the neck down and do not realise their body's greater intelligence.

For the meantime, here's an article I wrote re: self care for highly sensitive people. A reminder to myself as much as anything else.

Top 10 tips for highly sensitive people

Are you the kind of person who is easily overwhelmed by bright lights and strong smells, often needing to withdraw to a quiet place or darkened room to have privacy and relief from stimulation? Do you also get rattled when you have a lot to do in a short period of time and changes in your life have a disproportionate effect?

If so, then you may be a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) as defined by Elaine Aron in her book of the same name. According to Dr Aron the HSP has a sensitive nervous system, is aware of subtleties in their environment and is more easily overwhelmed in a highly stimulating environment. It is thought that 15-20% of the population have this trait.

This trait involves having very high levels of awareness, intuition, empathy and perceptiveness. Laboratory tests have shown that HSPs absorb and process up to 10 times the information from a particular situation than a non - sensitive person.

This means that they have to be on their guard against "overload" and "burn out" - especially in the work that they pursue and/or their leisure time (HSPs less likely to enjoy a noisy nightclub!) The area of work is especially important.

Because HSPs are often highly creative with a vivid imagination and interest in spiritual or philopsophical matters they are often writers, painters, musicians, coaches or alternative therapists. They often feel the need to be of service to others. However, HSPs much beware of giving too much of themselves within their chosen profession and find a way of working with their gifts and time to process information.

HSPs are the "Royal Advisors to the Warrior Kings". They are often the calm, steadying voice of influence and reason. Highly intuitive, they can sense the mood in an environment and accurately predict how things will turn out. The challenges of daily life may impact the HSP more than others.

Because many societies tend to be geared towards the less sensitive, then some HSPs suffer from low self esteem, as they feel that they don't "fit in " in certain situations or that they go against the grain and that their strengths aren't always appreciated by society. If you've read this far, then you are or think you are an HSP. Below are top ten tips for making the most of your trait: I've certainly found these to be helpful and you may too.

1. Meditate regularly.
The benefits of meditation are well known. It increases clarity, calmness and being "grounded".

2. Take up Yoga/Pilates.
These help to strengthen and ground you and may be preferable to more energetic exercises ie high impact aerobics.

3. Clear clutter
Especially in working or resting areas - too much "stuff" around is a distraction.

4. Avoid overstimulation
Especially watching TV excessively - too much loud music (especially before you go to bed)

5. Learn how to assert your need for solitude and time alone to relax, reflect or process

6. Develop and strengthen your personal boundaries

7. Ensure that you sleep well - wind down before you go to bed

8. Plan ahead in managing change - take risks in small steps

9. Don't take on too much activity at once - it will overstimulate and unsettle you

10. Be aware of your diet - stop or reduce your intake of caffeine, sugar - they often overstimulate you.

Find out more about foods and supplements which calm and relax you and incorporate more of them in your diet. Doing all of the above will help develop your creativity as well as providing a firmer personal foundation for you. Remember that being sensitive does not being weak and that you can learn how to harness and fully develop your unique talents.

Additional points: All of this still rings true of course, but with EFT, it can really help to solidify and integrate all of the above into your lifestyle. For instance, developing and strengthening your personal boundaries is an absolute must (and something that is very current for me right now) and EFT can help remove negative energy blockages which prevent you from doing so.

A future posting is due on strengthening personal boundaries - this is very, very fundamental for highly sensitive people and intuitive empaths. Not doing so means a very reduced quality of life and blocking off abundance.